Kari Kampakis
Girls often settle for guys who don’t treat them well because they don’t know better. Sometimes it’s a daddy issue. Sometimes they have bad judgment and repeat the same mistake. Sometimes they’re just naive or quick to fall for a charming act.
Whatever the case, our world needs more boys who set a high bar. We need boys who help girls understand what they should expect — and what is possible in the world of dating.
I appreciate parents who teach their sons how to respect, protect and date a girl. I love hearing from moms like my Instagram reader who says she intentionally teaches her son how to be a good first boyfriend and set a high bar for every future boy his girlfriend will date.
I believe in traditional values, and if you do too, here are ideas to share with your son (many of which apply to girls too):
Plan fun dates, listening for clues of what your girlfriend likes or might enjoy.
Show up for dates on time.
Be kind and respectful, treating her like you’d want someone to treat your sister.
Pick her up at the front door, and always shake her father’s hand.
Open doors for her (cars, restaurants, etc.)
Pay for her meals.
Be a thoughtful gift-giver, especially on her birthday, Christmas and Valentine’s Day.
Give genuine compliments and tell her she looks pretty (especially on big days when she spent hours getting ready).
Look out for her safety, get her home safely and walk her to the door. Bring her home in better condition than when you picked her up (in other words, enrich her life).
Include her in the conversation when you’re with your friends. Don’t ignore her or make jokes at her expense.
See her as your sister in Christ, as a human with a heart and a purpose, not an object to ogled over or used.
Protect her reputation, and don’t share private details with your buddies. Gossip that won’t stick to you will stick to her forever.
Ask for dates in person (use the phone or FaceTime in a pinch, but not text or Snapchat).
Cheer her on, point out her gifts and encourage her to chase her dreams.
Make her laugh, as this breaks the ice and grows your friendship.
Respect her boundaries, especially physical boundaries. Remember that “no” means “no” and you should not take away something from her that’s only meant for her husband.
Keep in mind that love says, “I can wait,” while lust says, “I have to have it now.”
At a party or an event, continue to check on her and ask if she needs anything.
Every now and then, surprise her, like showing up with her favorite candy.
Ask good questions to get to know her, and don’t just talk about yourself.
Be a gentleman, knowing that the habits you build while dating will carry over into your marriage. The goal is to be a godly man and a loving leader, protector, and provider.
Follow through if you say you’ll call her, and don’t play with her emotions, lead her on, or hold her hand if you don’t mean it. Also, don’t say something just because you think she wants to hear it, for that will eventually hurt her and earn you a reputation as a liar.
Keep in mind that girls talk and warn others about boys. How you treat your girlfriend (and handle a breakup) can impact you later when you’re crazy about another girl and ask her out. Guys who act like jerks often get rejected or written off by girls who have standards for who they date.
Remember the best gift you can give your girlfriend is your love for the Lord. Put Him first and seek His will, and you’ll attract the right girls. You’ll be on a path God can bless and help your girlfriend find that path too.
Dating, done correctly, leaves an open door for future friendship. Even if the breakup is painful, it is possible — with time — to be on good terms again if both parties can look back and feel like that person was good for them.
As you coach your son on dating, remind him that he’s setting the bar for every future guy his girlfriend will date. He’s creating a standard that will help her choose well. At the same time, he’s helping himself. He’s learning to stand out in a good way, which will ultimately attract the cream of the crop and bring girls of high caliber into his life.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Mountain Brook mom of four girls, author, speaker and blogger. Kari’s newest book, “More Than a Mom: How Prioritizing Your Wellness Helps You (and Your Family) Thrive,” is now available on Amazon, Audible and everywhere books are sold. Kari’s bestselling other books — “Love Her Well,” “Liked” and “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” have been used widely across the country for small group studies. Join Kari on Facebook and Instagram, visit her blog at karikampakis.com, or find her on the Girl Mom Podcast.
