When I was growing up, my dad emphasized hard work.
He didn’t care if we made straight A’s. He didn’t expect superstars. His only expectation was that we do our best with the gifts God gave us.
When I was stressed (about a test, election or competition) his advice was simple: “Kari, just do your best — and leave the results to God.”
He meant it, and it brought me enormous peace to lift the weight of expectations off my shoulders. I worked hard and aimed high because I wasn’t scared to fail or disappoint him. I didn’t have to hit a “mark” to please and impress my parents.
In fact, I can recall several times when I didn’t win (and I felt like a loser!), yet the moment I saw my parents, they smiled as if I had won. They beamed as they hugged me and told me they were proud. In their eyes, the victory came when I stepped out of my comfort zone, tried something new and did my best.
That mattered most. That kept me brave in setting ambitious goals and giving 110% even if that effort was not rewarded.
This mentality saved me from my Type-A, perfectionistic ways, yet it is missing from our current culture.
As parents today, we often get one picture in our head of how our child’s life should look, and anything less feels like a disaster. As a result, this next generation is scared to death to fail. They think they must prove themselves to be worthy of love.
In our home, we’ve had successes and failures. Highs and lows. What I’ve learned is that even a big accomplishment or a coveted place on a team is temporary. It’s amazing while it lasts, but it won’t last forever. And when it’s over, two things matter:
- Their character (who our kids become in the process)
- Their relationships (with others, themselves and God)
My dad struggled in school, but he was gifted in sports. Basketball was his passion, and God used this to open doors. Nobody in his family had been to college, so it wasn’t on his radar until University of Alabama basketball coach Johnny Dee paid him a visit.
Keep in mind this was the ’50s, and how a basketball coach in Tuscaloosa, Alabama, heard about an athlete in Buffalo, New York, could only be divine intervention. Coach Dee offered him a full scholarship … and that is how my Yankee father landed in the South, where he met my mother, fell in love and became part of the famous Rocket 8 team that led to Alabama basketball’s first national ranking.
Being raised in a sports family allowed me to hear many stories and life lessons related to Dad’s experiences. While he never bragged on himself, I knew he was a big deal by the way that others bragged on him.
It was fun to have a locally famous dad, but my biggest takeaway was how he kept his priorities straight. He didn’t dwell on his glory days or wish to go back. Sports was his life until he met my mom, and though he still loved playing, his love for her was the first thing to exceed his love for sports.
And when he quit sports (after almost losing his eye when he was hit with a baseball during his time playing professional ball), he never looked back. His new love became my mom and their growing family.
I think of my dad as school starts back and athletics kick in. Many athletes have a story like him, a God-given gift that will open life-changing doors.
Yet even if your child isn’t a superstar, their time on a team isn’t a waste. Sports build character and teach life lessons that our kids can’t get other ways. Among other things, they teach our kids how to:
- Dig deep
- Do their best even when their efforts aren’t rewarded
- Be a team player
- Take constructive criticism to get better
- Overcome obstacles and setbacks
- Show class in victory and defeat
- Develop a good attitude they need for life
We all know adults who have a bad attitude. We’ve all met people with superior talent who never reach their potential because they’re lazy, negative or quick to talk back.
Having a humble and teachable heart makes a difference in sports and in life. The best coaches know this, and that’s why they coach the heart as much as the talent. They understand this saying that a local coach has used:
“A coachable athlete is an employable adult.”
It’s true, and most people would much rather help (and hire) someone with average talent and a great attitude than a superstar who ruins morale.
In a world where our kids never feel good enough, they need to hear that character matters more than talent. This is one area where anyone can excel.
Raising brave kids begins with them knowing that our love isn’t tied to their latest performance. Let’s encourage them to do their best and leave the results to God. Let’s cheer as they leave their comfort zone. Let’s see the lessons learned through defeat and beam proudly as we watch our kids stretch and grow.
Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis is a Mountain Brook mom of four girls, author, speaker and blogger. Kari’s newest book, “More Than a Mom: How Prioritizing Your Wellness Helps You (and Your Family) Thrive,” is now available on Amazon, Audible and everywhere books are sold. Kari’s bestselling other books — “Love Her Well,” “Liked” and “10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know” have been used widely across the country for small group studies. Join Kari on Facebook and Instagram, visit her blog at karikampakis.com, or find her on the Girl Mom Podcast.
