Sharing hope in handling the holidays

Growing up, Christmas was always a special time for Lisa Harrison and her family.

“My mother loved Christmas better than just about anybody I’ve ever known,” Harrison said. “... She had to have a perfect Christmas tree, and my brother and I loved the tradition of putting it up and decorating it.”

On Christmas Day, Harrison would go over to her dad’s, who enjoyed cooking a big Christmas breakfast and having family around the table.

But in 1994, Harrison’s parents died six months apart, just after she had turned 30.

“It was very difficult for me — especially during the holidays,” Harrison said. “... That first Christmas … I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to put out ornaments or put out a tree.”

She did eventually put up a tree, but there was no joy in doing so.

“Still to this day, it’s not the same,” Harrison said.

Steve Sweatt, clinical director at Community Grief Support—where Harrison serves as administrative director—said the holidays can cause a strong grief reaction among survivors of loss.

“When survivors get around all this, … immediately, they’re reminded of what they don’t have,” Sweatt said. “They feel like they’re just not up for it.”

Community Grief Support helps survivors find ways to cope during the holiday season, working with them to create a plan for how they’ll handle the holidays.

Sweatt said people will typically do one of three things when it comes to holiday traditions after suffering a loss: continue the traditions, but on a smaller scale; radically depart from those tradition; or modify their traditions, such as designating an empty chair at the table as the seat of honor.

“We encourage people to concoct a plan so they won’t be blindsided,” Sweatt said.

Both Sweatt and Harrison said it’s important for those close to people who may be grieving during the holidays not to push them to do more than they are able. The quality of the social support someone receives is essential to helping survivors move forward, Sweatt said.

Depending on the loss, it may not be possible for some people to enjoy or be happy during the holidays, Sweatt said.

“Making it through the holidays is a worthy enough goal,” he said.

A few years after her parents died, Harrison’s stepmother went through a Community Grief Support “spousal loss” group and told her about it. Harrison said she saw firsthand how the program helps people, which led her to come work for the agency in 2014.

“If you make it through the [support] group, recovery time is a lot quicker,” Harrison said.

Christmas has never been the same since her parents died, Harrison said. However, finding ways to cope and new ways to celebrate can help, she said.

“Christmas without my parents will never be as joyful as it was when I was a child, but it can still be happy as I celebrate with my husband’s family and my brother’s family,” Harrison said. “Over time, it gets easier, and you find ways to cope.”

Harrison didn’t put up a tree last year and said she’s learned she doesn’t have to do that to celebrate Christmas.

“I celebrate Christmas through my spiritual practices much more now,” Harrison said. “After all, the meaning of Christmas is more than trees and gifts. I know my parents would be proud that I cope by observing why we have Christmas — the birth of Jesus.”

Community Grief Support is offering a free event, “Hope for the Holidays,” on three different dates and at three different locations in November to help those struggling with grief this time of year. Sweatt will share practical ideas about preparing for the holidays.

The event will be 9 a.m. to noon on Nov. 3 at Asbury United Methodist Church in Shelby County; 9 a.m. to noon on Nov. 10 at the fellowship hall of Dawson Memorial Baptist Church in Homewood; and 4-7 p.m. on Nov. 17 at Bethel Baptist Church in Pratt City.